suicide #7
i feel the ebb and flow of life so strongly that often i break down and weep. the feeling that every fiber in my being could explode from the harmonious vibrations of His love. simplistic and often over looked is the sincerity that makes my heart shudder with joy so powerful that it aches in bitter longing. our stories are written not always by our own hand but by those that hold it tightly, sharing the moments that never come again; but will always be remembered. never again can i return to the chapters that are my history, but longingly look upon the pages, illustrating my nostalgia with vibrant colorful emotion, and the irony that the present often brings. laughing so hard that your face freezes in an endless smile, sharing like no one has heard what happened, crying as if your tears watered the earth, loving with all the love you have - and saying it. saying i love you. hugging those you see everyday because you can. everyone wants to shower their affection on the world, but they don't - or they can't. We have been raised never having learned or have grown so shy, self-conscious, and afraid that we will be seen as weak, as eccentric. in our quest for self-righteousness we justify these reserved behaviors with the idea that it is all just a cliché anyway. we give up, we lose hope, we stop trying. maybe we awaken again and see, maybe we die blind. how long will we see the world in black and white? the paint of our Creator screams alive! screams color! screams whispers of joy!...but we don't listen. i know i have grown deaf in my maturity, in my quest for knowledge, for skill and reward, for money, for high culture and society - for everything that i am told: to be, to want, to do. woe says i. how long will i let these walls stand? calloused and stale, i am pent up will ideas and desires for a world that does not exist. filled up with sorrow for the evil and suffering that does. killed by the slavery that we bond ourselves to, only to by abused. i want to scream! overwhelmed with expression i cannot even create. how i long to overflow, to give love. look up at the stars, can you feel it? clear your mind, open your soul's eye, your heart's ears, your body's mind. in an infinite second you can remember your entire life, from your mother's womb to this morning when you woke. are we so distant from the miracles that surround us? have we explained everything rationally and logically? i dare to hope not, but i sense that for many of us it is so. i do not know what will happen. in the numbness that is slowly growing in this world there is still a nerve that pulses strong. can't you feel it in your soul? when you lay your head on your father's chest and hear his steady heart. when the sun breaks over the horizon and a new day has begun. the feeling of a supernatural encounter so surreal and powerful, that only a fool would believe you? i am that fool. so hear i leave you, continuing on my journey, continuing in my faith. broken and confused just like everyone, i walk on. step by step, day by day. i don't have all the answers, and i don't want to, but i never want to stop asking...why? if at some point along this narrow path our footsteps should cross, i would consider it an honor, truly, i would. if there is ever anything i can do to help along the way, please ask, it would be my joy to serve you as i can. vaya con dios.
W estuvé aquí @ 23:44
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